Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girl nights have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties! Oh my God, I'll kill the son of a bitch!"

"That's nothing", said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her bum that said, "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

Voted Best Short Joke of 2005

Two jokes for the road. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.

This joke was voted Best Short Joke of 2005

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?". Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"

----

Have another laugh..

One day, siew pau (baked bun) and maggi mee (wriggly instant noodles) had a big fight. Maggi mee beat siew pau up until it had bruises on its pau body.

Siew Pau lost the fight and went back to tell all the pau family: kaya pau, tau sa pau, curry pau, etc.

So together all paus went to find maggi mee for revenge.

On the way... they met Spaghetti... so all paus dashed towards Spaghetti and beat the hell out of Spaghetti so much so that Spaghetti can't say a word and Spaghetti
then screamed...

"WHAT DID I DO? I don't even know you all"???.

Then the siew pau said..

"HEH! MAGGI MEE! Don't think I can't recognize you after you do REBONDING!"

Happy DeepaRaya

This year, Hindus and Moslems will be celebrating their festivals almost back-to-back as Deepavali falls on Saturday, October 21, while Hari Raya Puasa falls on October 24 & 25, thus the newly-coined Malaysian term "DeepaRaya".

Best wishes for a

Breast Cancer Awareness

Black has always been the 'in' colour for its projection of elegance and mystery. But of late, passionate red has been touted the new black.

However, for October another colour takes prominence. The colour is Pink as Pink has been chosen to represent Breast Cancer Awareness and October has been designated Breast Cancer Awareness month. So... colour your world Pink to spread the awareness.

Early detection is key and to plagiarise from a site:

EARLY DETECTION: DO YOU KNOW THE FACTS?

Each year, 182,000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer and 43,300 die. One woman in eight either has or will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. In addition, 1,600 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 400 will die this year. More..

Similar to the campaign on poverty eradication, we can also help by funding free mammograms to provide women in the third world who are in need and whose awareness of breast cancer and opportunity for help is often limited.

Well, what exactly is a mammogram, you may ask. Below might give you a teeny-weeny idea of what it is.

This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole thing. There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a bl! indfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!


Mail this to 13 other females. Now, don't break the chain! One female broke the chain, her plumbing became so bad, she now has an outhouse!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember...


Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer

Thought of the Day

I thought there's a lot of wisdom here. It could also apply to other negative emotions.

A Doraemon Day

Good Morning! It's yet another new week. What will your day be? Will it be just another boring Monday?



Or will you be up to tricks to start the day?


Will you do a spot of entertaining?


Would you need Starbucks to get you through the day


Or have a snack after your play?


Would you blog a little


Relax a little..


and have yourself a merry Doraemon day.

A Question of Love

A Question of Love...What do I know! But here are some tips I could learn from if ever......


DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.

She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.


Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extra-marital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.

It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship. WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.


This beautifully-written article is from a forwarded email. Unfortunately, the source is unknown.

Of Trees, Flowers and Ghosts

It was one chilly morning but it wasn't the mist that made it so but more because of the haze that was preventing sunshine from coming through.



Trees have always fascinated me. Could it be the colour green or the protection we conveniently glean or could it be in a previous life I was a tree.

It was on this hazy morning that I took some tree pictures and while doing so spotted two monkeys frolicking noisily among the trees but they were too quick for my aim.





I took a picture of this flower. Bougainvillea it is. Do not know how many colours there are but I have seen them in this bright purple, in their reddish purple as well as in pretty orange. I love this plant for the flowers that last for months. Would they look pretty in a vase, I have often wondered. But no, would prefer them sitting prettily on the plant in all its beauty.



Did you know that some Chinese believe the bougainvillea is a ghost in the form of this flower? A friend told me that her mom related a story that tells of a lady ghost who turned into this flower. Of course, not everyone believes this tale or is even aware of this tale.

Speaking of ghosts, do you believe in their existence? Pictures do not lie, we are told. A friend two months ago took a picture of his friend sitting on the steps of a staircase in a downtown shopping complex and beside him sat ...you guessed it... another figure who was not physically there. The picture is still in his camera today.

Another incident - someone walking to buy lunch encountered a road full of those beings which his friend did not see at all. That was in the seventh month of the Lunar Calendar. To our foreign non-Chinese friends, the seventh month is the month where the gates of the underworld are left open and spirits are free to roam the earth.

Yet another seventh month incident - An uncle's classmate went to market one morning with his grandma who was obviously agitated by the crowd, complaining as to why there were so many people that morning at the same time she walking in a zig-zag fashion as though trying to avoid bumping into others. Uncle's classmate then realised that his grandma must have be seeing them around.

What about this one, a lady I know has a sister who sees spirits as second nature. She once saw one removing her head to comb the long hair, afterwards putting it back on the torso. She is not one bit afraid. She is used to it.

Yet another incident, a lady was walking to a wake and halfway on the street, she could not move her legs but felt like they were being tugged at gluing her feet to the ground. She then chided whoever that was pulling that prank and immediately, she was able to lift her legs to move again.

The son of this same lady used to work as an elevator-technician. He was alone one night fixing an elevator that has broken down when suddenly the elevator moved up and down with him in it. He figured it must have been a ghostly prank so he sort of 'ordered' the prank be stopped. The elevator stopped.

This one happened in NZ, Auckland, to be exact. This was related to me by a good friend. This girlfriend was on a holiday with another girlfriend and was staying in a 5-star hotel on an upper floor. They were there for four nights. On the morning they were due to depart for another city, my girlfriend asked her travel companion as to what she was groping for under her pillow the night before. Her companion revealed that someone took off her pullover that she was wearing over a short-sleeved cotton blouse.

My girlfriend then learned that her travel companion actually saw a ghost all dressed in white with long wet hair gliding towards her from the bathroom at about 2:00am in the morning on the first night itself - remember they were there for four nights. She was writing home. That revelation gave my girlfriend goosebumps and was so glad it was end of stay at that place.

Do you have any ghost story or true experience you would like to share?