Monday, July 17, 2006
Messages on Answering Machines
Do you have something better than these I could borrow?
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and used by us.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hi. Now you say something .
Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need tiles, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charities through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call.
(In a bored voice) Heaven, God speaking...
Greetings, you have reached the 6th Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
Hi. This is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and wait by your phone until I call you back.
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
This is the Devil. Who in Hell do you want?