Friday, July 28, 2006

Dress Code

Ooh! It's Friday again. How nice! It's just after 4pm here but the heavy rainfall makes it look like almost nightfall. The weather has been rather strange lately. Only last week, we experienced a weird storm, so strong that trees were uprooted smashing cars parked beneath them, roofs went flying, fences were toppled down, even Astro satellite dishes were plucked from their perch.

No matter, a little rain will not spoil a Friday and naturally a little humour is in order to wind down the week.

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.




The Management.


Have a wonderful weekend.

16 comments:

  1. Wow...
    I think this is what every company wants to do
    LOL

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  2. Z, I think you are right. Absolutely. They wish, of course, but luckily there's the labour law that protects employees. Thank goodness for that.

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  3. People thought I was nuts, but one of the reasons I moved from California to Hawaii (in the 1970s) was so that I would not have to wear a tie (really). I never regreted that decision. Later I became self employed and I was the one who decided what to wear. To heck with having someone else control your life. If you provide valuable service you should set your own standards.

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  4. Pandabonium, you must have felt strongly about that tie thingy to relocate to Hawaii. Yes, to heck with having someone else control your life. I guess the way to go would be to do your own thing like you do.

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  5. PinkPanther6:45 PM

    I always prefer to dress in Uniforms, makes everybody looks equal in a company. No need to worry about it everyday.

    I've been employed by an American for handling some technical supporting tasks via on-line. Works in my home only, what so great! (Dress in simple or...?!? :-))

    Have a nice weekend, Happy.

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  6. Oh! I wonder what "?!?" means, PP. Maybe I'm a bad boy for trying to guess. :^)

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  7. It's friday again!!! Better not go shopping this weekend, you might not get a raise. hehe...

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  8. pinkpanther10:27 PM

    Um..um..(`O`)PandaB: I thought you might guess wrongly.

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  9. boohoohoo
    i don wanna work lo lidat

    :(

    i think the phrase CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT should be amended to THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT in this case 'x'

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  10. can someone give me that labour dept number asap? i want to complain! lolx

    - blue blues blurr collar worker

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  11. kekekeke.....the management is really important. They ar the persons that control us in a company!

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  12. PP - there is something to be said for uniforms, especially for school children. (Seriously, my daughters went to a Catholic High School even though I'm Buddhist partly because uniforms take the stupid fashion competition out of the equation). But really, when we are adults and are performing a work function, rules about dress code usually are there just to emphasize the company vs employee relationship. It is a psychological ploy. If we are all adults, we should treat each other as such. Just because we are employees, doesn't mean we are less that the employer (and I've been both many times). The choice is ours. One just needs the backbone to stand up.

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  13. PinkPanther1:58 PM

    PandaB:
    May be you are right in some extent, but don't forget:
    Clothes make the Man.
    Glod make the Buddha.

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  14. ha? i wear t-shirt to work. only if client want to see me, i wear a shirt. :-)

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  15. PP, yes, uniforms do reduce stress especially for ladies who are used to this line, "I have nothing to wear" even with a closetful of clothes. Me, included.

    PandaB, yes, bad boy! Bad boy!

    IML, it's the mega sale in Sgp too, isn't it?

    PC, the boss is always right - a sad fact at times.

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  16. LGK, what!? Will all that good stuff you are cooking up in the kitchen? No!!!!

    Red Sponge, 'control' is the right word. You got it!

    Pandabonium, however, there are some companies that have a standard uniform for everyone from the top of the hierarchy to the lowest.

    See fei, that's good in that you have a choice.

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