Tuesday, July 4, 2006
Kids say the darnedest things
Those of you who have little ones at home would have memorable
moments like these. Below are some more kids saying the
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new
baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you
got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny
replied she was so old she didn't remember any more.
Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the
back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight.
"I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you
outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller.
She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her
frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and
she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder,
the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
"Please don't give me this juice again," she said,
"It makes my teeth cough."
D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:
"How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were
hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his
eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering
in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried.
When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied,
"I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married.
How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read:
"The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out
of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly,
rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for
awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?
And then there's
"Why God made mums" answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions.
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a dickhead.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between mums and dads?
1. Mums work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause thats who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
Dare not imagine what the answers will be if the question is "Why God made dads" Any suggestions?
And kids get tired too.
By the way, Happy July 4.