Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Installing LOVE

This being the season for loving and giving and all, thought
a little how-to for installing LOVE or more of it would be
helpful. ;) Here goes......

Installing LOVE

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to
install it now. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART, ma'am?

Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several other programs
running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running, ma'am?

Customer: Let's see... I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE,

Tech Support: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase
PAST- HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain
in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other
programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a
module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE.

However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being
properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
it's erased the programs you don't want.

Customer: Okay, now LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes, I do. Is it completely installed?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to
get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already.
What should I do?

Tech Support: What does the message say?

COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

Tech Support: Don't worry, ma'am, that's a common problem. It
means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTs
but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those
complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms
it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can
"LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Tech Support: Can you pull down the directory called

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Tech Support: Excellent. You're getting good at this. Now, click
on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART"
and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any
conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming.
Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories,
and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is
completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that
PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my
HEART. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but
eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So,
LOVE is installed and running.
You should be able to handle it from here. Ah, one more thing.

Customer: Yes?

Tech Support: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its
various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it
with other people and they will return some similarly cool
modules back to you.

Customer: I will! Thanks for your help!


  1. Anonymous12:04 PM

    another anecdote ... -_- ... very ... nice manual indeed

  2. Hey, louyau-mike, thanks - I thought so too. Hope the going's great, being away from home and all. Whatever....have fun. Merry Xmas!

  3. THAT was cool! Thanks for sharing!

    I only wish the tech support people I talked to were so helpful and so polite...

  4. MM, I agree. Sometimes we're at their mercy.