Friday, December 2, 2005

The Power of the Future Card

This one is hilarious - you might have come across it but never mind have another laugh.

The multi-purpose Future Card will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library... whatever you do with the card... you will be tracked!

It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad, depending on the situation). However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Pizza Hut: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your…
Customer: Haloh! Pisar Hut-ah? Can I order-ah?

PH: Can I have your Future Card number, sir?
C: It’s arh… hold on prease… arh… it’s 690230-88-5551.

PH: Thank you, Mr. Tan Ah Beng @ Or Kwee Tau. You’re calling from 17-D Lorong Cempedak, Gasing. Your home number is 6788988, your office number is 6788788 and your mobile is 021-6788688. Which number are you calling from?
C: Home-lah, wah, where you get all my phone numbers-ah?

PH: We are connected to the Future Card system, sir.
C: OK-lah, OK-lah, can I order your seafood pisar?

PH: That’s not a good idea, sir.
C: Why cannot-ah?

PH: According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and high cholestrol level, sir.
C: What? Wah-lau-eh… medical records also you know. So what you lecomend?

PH: Try our low fat Hokkien mee pizza, I’m sure you’ll like it, sir.
C: Wah, how you know I like Hokkien mee-ah?

PH: You borrowed a book titled ‘Popular Hokkien Dishes’ from the National Library last week, sir.
C: OK, OK, beh-ta-han. Give me three family size pisar. How much-ah?

PH: That should be enough for your family of 10. The total is RM45. How would you like to pay?
C: I pay by Future Card, can or not?

PH: I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, sir.
C: Why?!

PH: Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank RM6,720.55 since October last year, sir.
C: ##**@@**! Everything also know, chia-lat!

PH: That’s not including the late charges of your housing loan, sir.
C: OK-lah, I run to ATM to take cash before you come to my house-loh.

PH: You can’t sir, based on the records, you’ve reached the daily limit on machine withdrawal today.
C: What?!

PH: The latest withdrawal is RM250 for 4d and Toto at 4:56pm, sir.
C: Never mind, just send the pisar. I borrow money from my Ah Mah. How long-ah?

PH: 45 minutes, sir. But if you can’t wait you can collect it with your motorcycle. You are only 5 minutes away.
C: Where got transport?

PH: According to your Future Card, you own a Honda scooter, registration number FE 3288…
C: ##**@@**!

PH: Better watch your language, sir.
C: Why should I?

PH: Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…
C: *[ugh}*

PH: Is there anything else, sir?
C: Nothing. By the way, still got stock on the 3 bottles of free cola as advertised?

PH: We normally would, sir. But based on the records, you are also diabetic…

Next scene: The customer turns around and tells his kids "I’m going to the hawker centre to tah-pao. Pisar no stock."


  1. R u Hokkien? C umm c?
    Boh c har mee sek lung?

  2. Oh-oh! Are those not for kids below 50? Tell me, tell me.

  3. Wa C, wa C. Ta bi ji pua ji pua nia lar :)

    Hokkien plus Manglish...are we at the highest level of language evolution yet? :p

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  5. fh2o,
    lu si hokkien lang ha si teow chew lang ah? hehe..
    wah si puah leh penang hokkien lang tapi beh mi eh heow kong hokkien ueh.

  6. yd,
    ha ha ha!
    'wah si hainan lung' - as in hainan chicken rice 'lung'! Which incidently I know how to cook quite well. ahem!

    I am asking u wat dialect you are lah!

    'loo kong har mik?'

  7. omigossshhhhhh!!!
    another hainan lung!!
    i AM HAINAN LUNG! so is LOW!

    i m hokkien mixed hainan too. i m thinking, do all the hananeses marry hokkiens??? haha...

    p/S: Low kung ee si pua leh hokkien lang (ji pua half mah)

    haha... wat kind of languanges we are using la..

  8. My turn, my turn (puts up hand as in kindergarten class)....I'm Hakka & Hokkien. In Malaysia, most Chinese speak a few dialects. Do you all?

  9. Children; you may all sit down now!

    happysurfer - Hakka!! I'll have to keep my 3 dogs away from you from now onwards! :0)

    So YD and Low are "sue kee nang"!
    The rest of them are "bong kang nang!" Sshhh! - don't u tell them wat that means!!! ;)

  10. Yeah, very funny! Fortunately for your three dogs, I'm only interested in the type that goes between buns.

  11. Thanks, yd for the explaination. Also, you reminds me of hainanese marrying hokkien (my parents! :p)

    Back to happysurfer, i can speak hokkien, kantonese, understand little hakka...and guess what, hainan!

    Oh i don't want to be "bong kang"!!! :p fh2o sin seh, maybe you can start the class now, hehe...

  12. So Children, whose turn is it to cook chicken rice?

    (hidding under the table again incase kanna humtum)

  13. Robin, need you ask? Of course, it's the bong-kang sue-kee-nang clansmen. :0

  14. Can you e-mail me some of that chicken rice?

    That's interesting...somebody recently e-mailed me more or less that same "future card" sketch, but in an American version. A scary thought, that, but during the Clinton years in the U.S. we almost seemed to be heading in that direction: "Let us make all your choices for you so you can't go wrong." Ha much for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness...

  15. MM, here's a recipe for Chicken Rice which is a popular Chinese cuisine and the well-known or 'supposedly' better-tasting version is the Hainanese Chicken Rice. (I'm going to be shot.)

    Hainanese is a Chinese dialect thus you might have noticed the hoohah generated by the Hainanese clanspeople, i.e., yd, fh2o and Low. :)

    Hainan is an island off the coast of China and that's where Hainanese folks originate from.

    Hokkien is another dialect and the origin is from the Fujian province in China. 'Fujian' actually means 'Hokkien' but in Mandarin. Too confusing, huh? Never mind, some trivial info only.

    Talk about pursuit of happiness, I came across an article in The Star (Malaysian edition) that in Bhutan, GDH is an important factor - as in Gross Domestic Happiness. The govt of Bhutan places great importance on the people's happiness that is why there is a quota on visas being issued to protect the people and to prevent influence from outsiders, Visa fees are pretty high, something like USD200. TV was only introduced five years ago and computers only a year ago if I'm not mistaken.

  16. GDH...?

    I think I LIKE that! I find Bhutan's solution a bit odd, though. Perhaps understandable, but odd.

    On the other hand, a lot of the programming on American cable and satellite these days make me wonder why more countries don't start banning TV just to protect people's sanity.