A Priest in a small rural town was very fond of the
ten chickens and handsome rooster he kept in a hen house
behind the rectory.
One Saturday night the Priest discovered that the
rooster was missing.
At the same time the Priest heard rumours of cockfights
being held in town.
Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something
during Sunday Mass.
During Mass he asked the congregation,
"Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome
cock?"
All the men stood up.
"Who among you will confess to having seen a
handsome cock?"
All the women stood up.
"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean, either.
Who among you will confess to having seen a cock
that doesn't belong to you?"
Half the women stood up.
"Oh Lord," he said.
"Perhaps I should rephrase the question. Has anybody
seen my cock?"
...and the boys in the choir stood up.
ReplyDeleteHey, didn't I see the guy in the picture working at KFC?
cock has so much meaning nowadays?
ReplyDeleteTalking cock? ~ an army term in sg used to describe the officer whose speech makes no sense.
Naughty! Naughty! Pandabonium. I was afraid to include that.
ReplyDeleteYeah, he puts in time at the chicken pen sweet-talking to them birds before he puts them in the fryer. Oops!
Robin, thanks. That's a word that I normally avoid saying.
After talking cock, let's have some ass-kicking fun!
ReplyDelete(Source unknown)
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He thought that since he had it he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day, the paper read..
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. Headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.
YD, that's a good one. LOL! Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteThat is the most cockamamie thing I have ever heard. This one is almost as bad:
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, there was a rooster that was always being pestered by its owner's cat. Almost every day wound up turning into a mad scramble for his life as the villainous feline would suddenly come pouncing out of the shadows and pursue him with murderous intent. It got to the point that the poor rooster was so stressed out he was losing his feathers, and the slightest rustle in the brush would send him into a nervous fit.
One day, the rooster wandered as far away from the house as he could hoping for a moment's peace. There was a small lake nearby, and its banks were overgrown with tall grass that looked like it might make a good hiding place. Unfortunately, someone else had apparently thought the same thing. No sooner had the rooster picked his way into the tall grass than the cat gave a loud YOWL and came flying out of the shadows like a bat out of hell.
The rooster was cornered, and in his desperation he screamed, flapped his wings, and jumped for it. By some miracle, the cat missed him by scant centimeters, sailing right past...and right through the tall grass. There was another yowl followed by a great KER-SPLASH. The cat had landed in the lake. Overjoyed, the rooster danced and sang all the way home.
The moral of this story is: {Ah, I can't bring myself to say it. Anybody care to guess?]
Whoa Moody! Wet cat, happy rooster....hmmm.
ReplyDeleteYD, where does a nice girl like you get jokes likes that? (I just want to know so I can hear them).
happy,
ReplyDelete>> "Perhaps I should rephrase the question. Has anybody
>> seen my cock?"
hmmm ... did you censor the last part? :P
STOP THAT!!!!
ReplyDeleteSTOP THAT!!!!!!!
hmm.. how come the way the morality police speaks sounds hauntingly familiar like someone we know...? :-P
ReplyDeleteAre you referring to me??!?
ReplyDeleteYup! That morality police is a silly British General..Be yr.self, SIR!
ReplyDeleteMM, nice story. The moral of the story? Don't mess around with a rooster?
ReplyDeletePandabonium, yeah, I'm equally surprised that YD is so well-educated. haha.......
Slurp!, I did but Pandabonium got it right.
ReplyDeleteYD, I had the same feeling too.
Suspicious.......
Welcome, british general. ;)
Anon, haha..
Uh-oh, let's split. The morality police is here.
haha i start to suspect somebody has multi-personality behaviour... the new Dr Jekyll! ... i mean, the Mr Hyde! er...
ReplyDeleteYD, yeah, we've got a man with many faces lurking around here but have no fear, he means no harm, I'm sure. ;)
ReplyDeleteBtw, have you seen the mini-series "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde"? It's a beautiful story. Two others that I enjoyed are "Cleopatra" and "Elizabeth".